We Are Reading: Checklist for Safe Co-Sleeping

Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No-Cry Nap Solution, wrote this wonderful guest article about safe co-sleeping for Dr. Laura Markhams blog. The list is straightforward and a quick read. We highly recommend it!

Check it out at: http://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/newborns/safe-cosleeping

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We Are Reading: Happy Babywearing

Eleanor Gray from House of Doulas wrote this great piece about how she came across babywearing and the impact it had on her day to day life as a parent.

When I had my first baby I was the first of my friends with children.  I had to seek out a group of like-minded parents in order to get any perspective on my experiences with birth, breastfeeding, and caring for an infant.  That took a while as we had moved to a new city across the country when I was 5-months pregnant.  In the meantime I read a lot, which is always my go-to when I don’t know what I’m doing.
Luckily, I received The Baby Book, by Dr. Sears as a gift.  In it, they discussed babywearing.  I had never even thought about it before then, but it seemed to make sense.  You can keep your baby close and have both hands free for other things.

Read the full article and find out more about House of Doula and the great work that they do at:

http://www.houseofdoula.com/blog/happy-babywearing/

We Are Reading: How To Talk To Your Children About Gender Identity

MARLO MACK

How To Talk To Your Children About Gender Identity

Marlo Mack from Mutha magazine wrote a great article about how to talk to children about gender identity. The article feels lighthearted but addresses a very important topic. We enjoyed that the author talked about how many of us likely think we have covered our bases when it comes to talking about gender and gender identity with our kids. The author also shared a personal story about her daughter.

When my son was three years old, he informed me – in no uncertain terms – that she was my daughter.  Something had gone wrong in my “tummy,” she said, which had made her come out as a boy instead of the girl she was supposed to be.  She begged me to put her back in my tummy to fix this terrible mistake.

Check out the recommendations the author makes about talking to kids.

 How to Talk to Your Kids About Gender Identity

Most people have either a penis or a vagina.  Some people have both, but that’s pretty rare.

Most people with penises feel like boys.

Most people with vaginas feel like girls.

Some people feel like boys but they really like “girl stuff.”

Some people feel like girls but they really like “boy stuff.”

Some people with penises feel like girls.  They are girls with penises. (My child falls squarely into this category.)

Some people with vaginas feel like boys.  They are boys with vaginas.

Some people are sort of “in between” and don’t feel like a boy or a girl.

All these people are normal.  All these people need to be loved and treated well, and we should respect what they tell us they are.

The “parts” that are covered up by our underpants are private.  It’s no one’s business to ask about them or talk about them.  (That goes for the parents, too!) If someone tells you she is a girl, she’s a girl. If he tells you he’s a boy, he’s a boy.  If they say they’re both, they’re both!

To read the full article go to:

 

 

 

We Are Reading: 50 ways to Support a Woman During Labor

We love this list of ways to encourage and support a laboring woman from Four Mamas Birth Collective, www.fourmamasbirth.com. Great for partners!

1. Greet the contraction with a big sigh.…relax as you let your breath out.

2. Every breath out brings calmness…

3. That’s the way….just like that……

4. Feel baby’s head pressing down…..let the baby come.

5. Stay soft and flexible where you feel the baby….

6. Now it’s coming down……start to rest now.

7. Great! Don’t change a thing.   You’re doing so well.

8. Join right in with your breathing….keep it going in and out….

9. Nice and easy….. use only the energy you need….

10. Drop your shoulders….. loosen your hands…..

11. Stay with your breath… each one opens the cervix more…

12. This one is almost over…..fading away….. go limp like a rag doll….

13. You really have the hang of this. You’re amazing.   I knew you could do it.

14. Here comes another….that’s it, relaxing sighs as you rise up to the top of it…

15. Just give way for the baby… baby wants to come….

16. Keep it going just like that…..easy in , easy out…….keep that rhythm

17. See it happening….the baby is coming down on the inside….. breathe it open

18.You’re a natural…….working so well….a strong woman.

19. Let it go away…..start to rest…….cleansing breath…..Nice going!

20. Meet it with your breathing…. that’s it….getting stronger now…..stay with it…

21. Let it stretch….that’s the baby’s head you feel…….coming through.

22. We’re really getting there….you’re doing beautifully…..you’re inspiring!

23. It’s coming down….slow and easy breaths now…..kiss that one good-bye…..

24. First class work!

25. You’re so healthy and strong!

26. Deep breath right from the start……yes, in and out….match it to the peak…

27. Yes, really going right with it……the circle is widening…..

28. Just a little longer…here, look in my eyes….breathe with me. …just like that

29. Going away now…… go limp and relaxed……you just rest now.

30. I’m here with you, you are alright…….we’ll do this together…..one at time.

31. From the beginning….breathe with me…….yes….yes….

32. Nice and steady…..baby’s sliding through….. heading toward your arms…

33. Stay centered…..no resistance……going with it…..being fluid like water.

34. Good open sounds……going deep inside…. to where the baby is.

35. Easing up now……let it go completely……rest for you and the baby.

36. You’re incredible!   Finding that inner strength. I knew you could do this.

37. Remember, the hardest time is the shortest. Let’s take them one at a time.

38. Deep breath….really surrender……you are safe……

39. You’re the best…working hard…..really stretching…

40. Good pain, baby pain….doing just what it should…

41. OK, it’s coming down the hill…..in the valley now…..time to rest again

42. You’re fully dilated, you can push when you’re ready!

43. I’m so excited for you! You’ll be meeting your baby soon!     What a woman!

44. Few deep breaths now….push at the top of your breath…..pressing down…..

45. That’s it…..way into your bottom….feel baby moving down and out

46. Listen to your body….follow it’s rhythm….push when it tells you to…

47. It’s going away….rest and relax now…save that energy…..

48. Here it comes….feel your woman power pushing your baby down……down

49. Let the baby come out easy now….bottom opens out….blossoming petal by petal……breathe easy…..little nudges….. here it comes!

50. What a miracle! Congratulations, you’re a Mom!

If you are looking a guide to childbirth for dads and labor companions we recommend The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin.

We Are Reading: When Your Child Makes You Want To Scream: 10 Steps to Calm

These are some great ideas and reminders for parents when it comes to some of the post challenging parts of parenting from Aha! Parenting. Dr. Laura Markham shares that there a couple of ways to respond when your children are behaving in ways that make you want to scream.

You can:

a. Scream and then feel remorseful later.

b. Resist screaming by calming yourself down.

In other words, you can escalate the upset, or you can try to stay calm to settle everyone down.

Of course, you have more options if you take positive action BEFORE you feel like screaming.  Often when we lose it with our children, it’s because we haven’t set a limit, and something is grating on us.  Some parents are trying so hard to be patient they let things get out of hand, and then snap.

The key is to set limits BEFORE you get angry.  The minute you start getting annoyed, it’s a signal to do something. No, not yell. It’s time to intervene in a positive way to meet everyone’s needs, including your own!

The full post breaks down 10 steps that seem really do-able if you commit to them.

Read the full post here:

http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/Parenting_Blog/post/When_Your_Child_Makes_You_Want_To_Scream

What’s Hard About Covering Up To Breastfeed?

Anytime a breastfeeding story comes up in the news, especially one in which a breastfeeding mom is asked to leave an area to feed her baby, I break my own rule about not reading online comments out of sheer, morbid curiosity. In real life, I’m surrounded by people who are very supportive of breastfeeding, so it interests me to read comments and questions about the appropriateness of breastfeeding in public.

Of course, there are always some unnecessarily mean people, but some sentiments that come up frequently are legitimately well-meaning. As a mom who nursed three kids in all kinds of situations, I thought I’d address a few of these:

“I totally support breastfeeding, but what’s so hard about covering up to breastfeed in public?”

That’s great that you support breastfeeding. I actually would love to get to the stage when we stop calling it breastfeeding, and just call it feeding. That’s all it is. You’re not feeding a breast, you’re feeding a baby. It’s babyfeeding. Should women have to cover their babies to feed them in public? That sounds a little silly, doesn’t it?

But to answer your question, there are several reasons why moms might not cover up in public:

1. It actually is hard to cover up and feed a baby at the same time. Especially when you’re a new mom, and you’re trying to wrangle a squishy baby into a comfortable position where they can latch on correctly. Even with my third baby, keeping a cover over my shoulder while latching on wasn’t easy. And really, the only time one would “need” to cover up due to possible nipple exposure (if that’s the reason you think moms should cover up) is during the latch-on. And balancing a blanket on your shoulder while trying to see what you’re doing to get the baby latched is a big pain in the butt. Truly.

2. Some babies hate being covered. Most of the time, my babies would try to pull the cover off. I wouldn’t want to eat with a blanket over my head, would you? Especially when it’s hot. Ugh, it makes me claustrophobic just thinking about it.

3. One of the benefits of breastfeeding is the eye contact between mom and baby. The location of the breast is designed to put the baby within the vision range of mom’s face. Yes, you can have the same eye contact when you’re bottle feeding, which begs the question – would you cover up your baby’s face while cradling and bottle feeding, rather than looking at your baby and smiling at him/her at regular intervals? That would be silly.

4. When I was nursing, I actually felt like using a cover drew more attention to what I was doing. Uncovered, most of the time, it just looked like I had a baby cradled in my arms, sleeping. No breast could be seen once baby was latched. Nothing screams, “Hey, I’m breastfeeding over here!” like a draping a blanket over your shoulder while awkwardly trying to get your baby into a comfortable breastfeeding position.

5. Covering up implies that there’s something inappropriate about feeding a baby. There’s not. It’s feeding a baby. That’s it.

“I breastfed all my babies, but I never did it in public. Why don’t women just pump if they’re going out?”

That’s great that you breastfed all your babies. That’s also great if you were able to pump and that your baby took a bottle. Not all moms can pump successfully. Not all babies will take a bottle. After working at it for a while, I could pump, but my babies never took a bottle. That wasn’t for lack of trying – they just wouldn’t. I’m sure if their lives depended on it, and if I wasn’t around for a long time, they would eventually take one, but having a baby is hard enough. I wasn’t about to go through that much unnecessary effort so that I could bottle feed in public.

I’ve known some women who couldn’t get anything from pumping. Some women can’t relax enough with a machine hooked up to their body to get a letdown. Totally understandable.

But the real answer to this question is, they shouldn’t have to. Think about what you’re suggesting: that a mother skip a feeding to pump, or pump regularly enough to have the extra milk to pump outside of a feeding, then find a way to keep the milk cold in transport, then find a way to warm up the milk once she is where she’s going, then feed the baby with the bottled milk, then deal with the leakage or discomfort of the full breasts she has from feeding with the bottle instead of the breast for that feeding, and then wash and sterilize the bottle afterward–all instead of just taking her baby with her and feeding the ready-to-go milk she has on hand in her own body?

Doesn’t that seem a little ridiculous?

Most women who successfully pump have a system and a routine for it, and usually it’s because they’re away from their babies for a certain amount of time on a regular basis. More power to them. I’ve known lot of working, pumping moms, and I think they’re amazing.

But the idea of pumping just to go out in public with your baby, when your breasts are right there with you, is goofy to me. How long have breast pumps been around? How long have humans been feeding babies? When did we get to the mindset that feeding babies in public is better done with machinery and accessories than with mom?

“I don’t mind if moms breastfeed in public, as long as they do it modestly. Especially if there are kids or teens around.”

That’s great that you don’t mind if moms breastfeed in public. But let’s discuss the modesty idea. I hope you have the same feelings about modesty when you see a woman in a bathing suit, or a low-cut top, because 99% of the time, that’s all you can see of a woman’s breast when she breastfeeds.

Granted, there might be a couple of seconds of nipple showing. If you really don’t want to see that, pay close attention to moms with babies. Here are the cues that a mom is getting ready to breastfeed:

1. She starts to lift her shirt or adjust her bra. There you go. As soon as you see that starting to happen, look away. If you’re really concerned about your children seeing a woman breastfeeding, take that cue to show them something in the other direction.

But really, if kids are going to have any exposure to breasts (and they already have, if you have ever taken them to the grocery store and waited at the checkout stand where they keep the magazines), isn’t that the kind of exposure they should have? Don’t you want your children to see what breasts are primarily for? They’re getting plenty of messages on billboards, television, and other media that breasts are sexual. Seeing them used in a decidedly and awesomely unsexual way can only be good, in my opinion.

“Can’t you just go to the bathroom to breastfeed?”

1. Bathrooms are gross. Would you want to eat in there?

2. Many bathrooms don’t have a chair to sit in.  This leaves Mom with the option of sitting on the floor (yuck) or on the toilet (double yuck).

3. If a mom wants privacy to nurse because she feels more comfortable that way, that’s great. I’m a big fan of having lounge areas for nursing moms. But it should be for her comfort, not for yours. When I was nursing, I occasionally removed myself to nurse because it was too loud or I wanted a little space, but the times I removed myself because of my worries about other people, I felt exiled. When a mom feels that she needs to hide to breastfeed, the message is that there’s something shameful or wrong with what she’s doing. And that’s not right.

Along with the presumably well-meaning comments, I’ve also seen a few more, ahem, “strongly-worded” sentiments I’d like to address:

“Breastfeeding is totally natural, but so is going to the bathroom / having sex, and people don’t do that in public.”

Going to the bathroom is gross, stinky, and unsanitary to do in public, which is why we don’t do it. Feeding a baby is none of those things. Sex is an incredibly private, intimate act. Feeding a baby can be intimate in that it’s a bonding experience between baby and mom, but it’s more of a holding hands kind of intimacy–not something that needs to be confined to the privacy of a bedroom or home. The comparisons are apples and oranges.

“If you want to breastfeed, that’s fine, but I don’t want to / shouldn’t have to see it.”

Then don’t look. And I don’t mean that in a snarky way. You really don’t have to watch a mom breastfeed. (See cues in third question above.) Just look the other way and move on.

“Women who breastfeed in public are just trying to get attention / make a statement.”

Actually, 99% of women who feed their babies in public are just trying to feed their babies. Having been around hundreds of women who breastfeed, including dozens at a recent La Leche League conference, I can attest to the fact that most women are very matter-of-fact about feeding their babies.

I’ve known one mom who exposed much more breast for much longer than any other moms I’ve known, but she was raised in Africa, so that explains it. I’ve known of one other mom (don’t know her personally) who sounds like she has some exhibition issues and takes the opportunity to show more breast than necessary any old time she can. That’s by far an exception, and not the norm. Most breastfeeding mothers don’t “let it all hang out.” They do what they need to do to feed their babies, no more, no less.

“This isn’t a village in Africa. It’s culturally inappropriate to bare your breasts in public here.”

I’m curious about what this says about villages in Africa, or other places where breasts are common sights. Why is it culturally inappropriate here? I don’t necessarily think it should be, I just want to walk through the reasoning for our cultural views of breasts. Is it because our society views breasts as primarily sexual in nature? Are African breasts not sexual in nature as well? Would you shield your eyes from a National Geographic magazine showing bare-breasted women in Africa? Would you hide that from your children? If so, why? Are African women inappropriate? Is there some kind of fear that if we start accepting breastfeeding in public without freaking out about covering up, women will eventually start walking around bare-breasted all the time? Lots of questions pop up from this statement that are worth examining.

I personally think it should be culturally appropriate for women to bare a breast for a brief second in order to latch a baby on, no matter where in the world they are. There’s nothing sexual or inappropriate in that act. I think it should be way more culturally appropriate than, say, going to Hooters. Our priorities are a tad bit skewed when it comes to what’s culturally appropriate regarding breasts. If we want to get all righteous about the appropriateness of breast exposure, let’s direct our energies at movies, music videos, billboards, magazines, and other popular media. Leave moms who are trying to feed their babies out of it.

And if you really don’t want to see a woman feed her baby in public, don’t look. Don’t make her feel ashamed, don’t exile her to the bathroom, don’t make erroneous assumptions about her motives, don’t compare feeding her baby to defecating, don’t make hypocritical cultural statements, don’t make it harder to do than it already is. Just don’t look. It really is that simple.

http://www.scarymommy.com/whats-so-hard-about-covering-up-to-breastfeed-in-public/